Growing

Recently the Lord has been teaching me many things. With a little baby being added into my life I have come to see sides of myself I never thought were there. God has taught me so much about Himself, and has revealed much to me about myself. I could write a book (well maybe a short story) on what he has taught me, but for now, I want to share the greatest and most liberating lesson He has been teaching me.

I have always prided myself in looking good, in being organized and neat and clean, in keeping my home and any other area I am in (classroom, office) the same way. I always wanted to do it in a way that didn't come across as obsessive, even though I really was. I didn't want to come across as a priss even though I spent WAY too much time getting myself ready. Basically, a priority for me in life is to present an image to the world of a girl who has it all together ALL the time. I did all of this convinced that because I did all these things I was godly.

With the addition of my son Jake into my life things went topsy turvy for a few weeks. I had expected that and rolled with the punches. However, after 5 weeks when things still weren't getting back to the way they had been and I was still struggling to get ready each day, cook dinner, clean the house and exercise, I began to FREAK out. No, literally, I did. I felt so out of control and disorganized. I am a creature of habit and funtion best when I am in a RIGID routine. In honest language: I AM A CONTROL FREAK!

And that is what God wanted to show me about myself. In wanting things to be a certain way (my way) and being discontent and frustrated when they weren't I was making myself god in my life. My idealistic expectations of my life had become my idol. Instead of seeking to serve God each day and worship Him in every action, I became a slave to my own desires and felt guilty and frustrated when I did not measure up. God was so patient with me and graciously showed me my stupidity. (I call it that - God didn't)

If you are skimming this because I have trouble keeping things short, READ THIS! God has given me a completely new perspective on life. It's not about how spiritual I seem, or how good I look. It's not about how neat and clean my house is, or how great dinner tastes. It's not about how good my baby is, or how great of a parent and wife I am. The focus is not supposed to be on me. God is not pressurizing me match up to external standards of godliness. Godliness begins in the heart. It begins when a heart is consumed with loving and worshipping God in every action. God is not concerned with how neat my home is, whether the laundry is done or not. He does not care if I made a gourmet meal, or slapped PB and J sandwiches on the table. God is not concerned with whether or not I exercised or have a great hair day. God cares about my heart. He looks at my heart. All those other things only reveal what is in my heart.

The reality is this: My focus is off when I am consumed with making sure everything is perfect externally when my heart is cold, and far from God. Why the facade? Why am I whiting my sepulchre? I need to be real! (And by real, I don't mean that I can sin all I want) God's word and His truth should be my only pressure. The world, even other Christians, and especially my own idealisms and expectations of what is godly need to be discarded. I must get rid of the dead men's bones inside my sepulchre and let God make it white from the inside out.

The difference is this: Instead of looking from the outside in, I'm looking from the inside out. The angle is different, and way more revealing. :) It is also the most liberating way to live. There is pressure to grow and change, but it is motivated by love for God who accepts me in His Son. Before I came to God standing on my own pitiful little acts of righteousness and they were never sufficient. Now, I can come to Him on the basis of His Son's work on my behalf, and I can worship and serve Him out of thankfulness for what He has done. My life is a testimony of His grace. I must live a life worthy of His redemption!

This requires a moment by moment consecration of every thought and action. It is easy to check things off of a list, to come up with my personal standards for every area of life and then set myself on "cruise control" convinced that I am pleasing to God and looking good to others. However, that kind of "good" is all mustered up in the arm of the flesh. "Those who are in the flesh cannot please God" - Romans 8:8

A life that testifies of God's grace at work is one that is moment by moment walking in the Spirit and consecrating every thought and action to Him. It is a life that seeks to moment by moment do all to His glory. It requires a continual analyzing of one's life in light of God's word. It demands humility that God's grace may abound.

If you're like me, you've heard and sung about "grace" your whole life. But do you really know what it is to live by that grace day by day?

Romans 6:14- "Sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."

Complete in Thee, no work of mine may take dear Lord the place of Thine.
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me and I am now complete in Thee.

Yes justified, O blessed thought and sanctified, salvation wrought.
Thy blood hath pardon bought for me and glorified I too shall be.

Complete in Thee! no more shall sin,Thy grace hath conquered, reign within;
Thy voice shall bid the tempter flee,And I shall stand complete in Thee.

Complete in Thee— each want supplied,And no good thing to me denied;
Since Thou my portion, Lord, wilt be,I ask no more, complete in Thee.

Dear Saviour! when before Thy bar all tribes and tongues assembled are,
Among Thy chosen will I be at Thy right hand, complete in Thee.

Words by Aaron Wolfe
Music by Ben Nyce
Arr: Kristin Campbell

To listen to a clip click on the link below:
http://www.spea.org/files/audio/Completeinthee/completeinthee.mp4